For close friends, such as yourself, there is a small usage fee: $1.93 per character (at 1508 characters, that comes to a mere $2910.44). That’s just a usage fee and you supply the engraved stone. If you would like me to provide the stone and engraving, well, there’s a $200 setup fee, then $24.76 per character (= $37,338.08 + shipping and handling). Keep in mind, being the close friend that you are, you are receiving a substantial savings (usual rates are $1.87 and $23.04 respectively).

I do have a special right now where the policy is embossed on your favorite brand of toilet paper for just $0.98 per square (single ply) or $2.33 (two ply).

Or I could just loan you my copy (standard loan policy applies).

Cutthroat Stalker’s Book Loaning Policy

* Each reader must be individually insured through Lloyd’s of London for $1.3 million in case any of the below mentioned protocols are breached.
** Each reader must purchase or rent (and show proof thereof) a Level A Hazmat suit that meets or exceeds NFPA 1992 standards. Said suit must be used in conjunction with a SCBA.

1 – The book will be delivered in a hermetically sealed container by a bonded Lloyd’s of London representative.
2 – The hermetically sealed container shall only be opened in a climate-controlled, dust-free, UV-free room (hereafter known as “safe room”) and never to be removed from said room unless returned to the hermetically sealed container. The safe room must meet the ICA’s ISAD(G) minimum requirements (included in ISO 5963 and ISO 2788) or at 21 °C ±3° and 53% relative humidity ±5%.
3 – Lint-free, ESD-safe gloves must be worn at ALL times while handling the book. (If the reader leaves the safe room, a new pair of gloves must be donned.)
4 – The book shall never be opened all the way flat  (this “cracks” the binding glues and weakens the integrity of the spine).
5 – The book must never be “dog-eared” to mark the reader’s place.
6 – Never use a bookmark because contaminants could be on the bookmark and the bookmark may not be acid-free.
7 – The book must never be turned page side down to mark the place.
8 – The only way a page will be “bookmarked” is by memorizing the page number.
9 – Pages must be turned with as little bending of the page as possible so the tensile strength of each individual page is maintained.
10 – As part of the Hazmat suit, a non-reflective face shield must be worn at all times while viewing the book so additional harmful ioniziong radiation particles and waves are not inadvertently reflected from the cornea of the eye to the book.
11 – Enjoy the reading experience.